A Christian's Voice

Becoming the Man God Wants You to Be

On the evenings of July 12th – July 15th, it was my good pleasure to share this series of messages with a group of 6th – 8th grade boys. This series served as our evening cabin devotionals at the 2010 FC Missouri Camp. I appreciate the attention and the focus that these young men showed during the study of this very important topic! This material was adapted from Robert Lewis’ book, Raising A Mondern-Day Knight. To those young men, to whom I came to know more personally during the week I leave this personal message:

Guys, Thanks for sharing a little bit of your summer with me. I regret that we were not able to spend even more time together. I left camp not having gotten to know some of you as well as I would have liked, but I hope you will be back next  year and we can continue to work on those relationships.

Remember the invitation that I gave you to come to the Teen and Pre-Teen Studies in Kansas City (depending on whether you have crossed that magical dividing-line called “13″). Watch the fcmocamp.com website for dates, locations and directions. Also, if you ever need to talk about any of the kinds of things that we talked about this week at camp, call me or e-mail me. If you want to write an article for my website, particularly the Remembering My Creator page, send it to me via e-mail.

I know our day’s were filled with lots of good stuff. We were tired at the end of the day. The days ran late and we did not always have the time to cover this material to the degree that I had planned. I am glad to share the material with you here and would challenge you to an even deeper study of it in your own quiet time with God. Feel free to leave your public comments or if you would rather comment to me privately, e-mail them to randy.sexton@achristiansvoice.com. I love you guys and my earnest desire and prayer for you is that you might be saved in the day of judgement and that you will grow spiritually here to become the men God wants you to be. I have no greater joy than to know that you walk in the Lord!

Your Friend and Brother,

Randy Sexton

Monday – The Need for a Model

It is so very important that boys, growing to manhood in our time, receive this message. Our culture is in deep trouble because we have lost our vision for manhood.

There are three important questions that boys growing up in our culture need to know.

What is a man? What process produces a man? How do you know when you’ve become a man? Most, if not all of you,  have dads that will help you answer these questions and ensure that you become a man of strength, heart, conviction and vision.

Sam Rayburn, one of this nation’s most powerful political leaders, recalled fondly during his latter years the days in 1900 when his father took him in horse and buggy to the train station as he headed off for college. As Sam’s father bid farewell to his son, he handed him $25. Realizing the sacrifice that his father had to make to give him that money, Sam was very touched. But then his dad uttered words that Sam wound fondly remember at later times of crises in his life. “Sam, be a man.”

The Apostle Paul, writing to the church in Corinth said, “Act like Men.” (1st Corinthians 16:13) They had many problems, including conflicts among Christians who were pledging their allegiance to those who had converted them rather than to Jesus.

My suggestion is that we look at the Knighthood Model of the Medieval Ages to see what lessons we can learn about the process of becoming a man. But ultimately, we are not so concerned about making boys into knights but in determining how a boy becomes the man God wants him to be.

What knighthood offered that is lacking in our culture is a clear, biblically grounded definition of manhood, a process to embrace to achieve manhood, and a ceremony to celebrate a boys passing into manhood.

The “clearly marked path” from boy to man included 3 stages. The first stage was the Page Stage. At age 7 or 8, a boy went to live in a castle and learned of armor and weapons and performed household tasks at the castle. The second state was the Squire Stage. At age 14, a boy traveled with a knight who served as his mentor, instilling in him rigorous discipline. The squire served his knight in the most menial of tasks. The third stage was the Knight State. At age 21, a young man became eligible for knighthood and went through an elaborate initiation to confer it.

The three components that we will study in our cabin devotionals this week are: a vision for manhood, a code of conduct for manhood and a transcendent cause in which to invest your life.

Tuesday – A Vision for Manhood

William Marshal is considered to be the ideal knight, living at the peak of knighthood during the twelfth century. His courage and chivalry is illustrated by an incident that occurred  in May 1197, as he lead an attack against the castle of Milli in France. As the battle burned strong, Marshal observed one of his men caught in the great fork of an attacker and hanging from the neck on a ladder that had been placed against the wall of the castle. Climbing the ladder by himself, Marshal freed his fellow night from his predicament. Historians say that Marshal’s valor proved to be the difference in the valor as his band of knights achieved the victory storming the castle.

Marshal demonstrated other worthy traits common of the knight’s code of conduct. He loved his family. He made provision for each of his 10 children and loved his wife, Isabel, greatly. Two influences in Marshal’s life account for such strong character. Marshal had a powerful mentor in his first cousin, William of Tancarville. He also lived in a  particular kind of culture which offered a clear path to manhood.

The Scriptures speak of another man who demonstrated  a similar strength of character and suggested a clear path to manhood. That man was Moses and the passage is Deuteronomy 11:18-21. Moses identifies the path. Fathers were to lay up his words in their hearts and in their souls and bind them as a sign on their hand and as frontlets between their eyes and to teach them to their sons, talking of them when they sat in their house, when they walked along the road, when they lay upon their beds and when they rose up.  They were to write them on the doorposts of their house and on their gates so that their days and the days of their sons would be multiplied on the which the Lord swore to their fathers to give them, as long as the heaves remained above the earth.

Historians report that the impact of the disciplined, rigorous lifestyle of knighthood at its peak, harnessed the “unrestrained passions of masculinity” mostly for good. Boys were trained from an early age! They were given a code of conduct! Their progress from adolescence to manhood was marked with ceremony and celebration.

Modern culture, on the other hand, does little to harness the energy and passions of men for good. Our culture is marked by some alarming statistics. Did you know that 90% of major crimes are committed by men? Men commit 100% of rapes, 95% of burglaries, 91% of offenses against families, and 94% of drunk drivers are men!

Boys become the men God wants them to be in the presence of a clear vision of manhood. But, “where there is no vision, the people are unrestrained” (Proverbs 29:18). In the past there were three sources for this vision. The community, like the Nuer people of Southern Sudan and various tribes of Native American Indians provided extreme initiations. In the past, the family often provided a vision for sons as they grew to carry on the family name, the family business, family traditions, etc. But today we live in the era of the “absent father.” In the past, churches took a strong stand in proclaiming the role of husbands and fathers. But today, many churches have given in to the feminist ideology and abandoned the teaching of Scripture relative to the man’s responsibility to be the spiritual leader of the family.

Scripture (1st Corinthians 15:45-47) gives us two examples, one positive and one negative, that symbolize the essence of masculinity. Adam illustrates life separated from God and a failed manhood. Adam was influenced by physical direction and based on fleshly desires. Christ, referred to as “the last Adam” in our text, represents life in union with God and a successful manhood. Christ was influenced by spiritual direction and based on faith.

One way to look at the examples of Adam and Christ is to note the defining differences between the two. I would suggest to you that these are components of the answer to the question, “What is a man?”. Robert Lewis in his book states them in terms of rejecting passivity, accepting responsibility, leading courageously and expecting the greater reward. Let us notice each of these in order.

A Real Man  Rejects Passivity.

The male of the species is naturally, innately aggressive, ready to initiate, explorative, and competitive to achieve physically and psychologically. But his tendency is to be the polar opposite when it comes to the social and spiritual realm. The man who wants to be what God wants him to be has to reject this tendency to be passive. He must actively engage his whole soul, body and mind in the pursuit of spiritual goals and objectives and in leading his family to heaven. In this regard Adam failed to intervene as he stood by and watched the serpent tempt his wife and scripture says, “she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate” (Genesis 3:6). Jesus, on the other hand, initiated action. Philippians 2:5-8 speak of Him, emptying, taking the form of a servant, humbling himself, and becoming obedient.

A Real Man Accepts Responsibility.

Adam was given a will to obey (”don’t eat”), a work to do (”till the garden”) an a woman to love (Eve). He failed to accept his responsibility. Jesus was also given a will to obey (His Father’s), a work to do (save the lost) and a woman to love (the church). Jesus accepted His responsibilities and they defined His life as a man!

A Real Man Leads Courageously.

God created man to lead. But in order for us to do so we must “master” our passions. The Apostle Paul said, “But I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified” (1st Corinthians 9:27).

A Real Man Expects The Greater Reward.

Manhood is challenging but not burdensome! Manhood was designed by God to be a means of great reward (John 10:10; 1st Corinthians 2:9; 1st Timothy 4:8; 6:6). Those rewards include an honorable name, an “excellent wife,” children who look up to and respect you, the respect of other men an a satisfying and fulfilling life!

Wednesday – A Code of Conduct for Manhood

Perhaps you have heard it said, “You are what you are when no one else is looking.” How true that statement is! We can pretend to be something we are not , but that pretense will not fool God and will only lead the hypocrite into further areas of conflict. Brother Dick Modin had an outstanding message about “Being You” in one of his evening devotionals.

Robert Lewis, in his book, retells the story, “The Catch of a Lifetime,” that initially appeared in the February 1989 Reader’s Digest. In the story, James P. Lenfestey tells of an 11-year-old boy’s fishing adventure with his dad on a New Hampshire lake. As the story goes, the boy caught an amazingly large bass but hooked it two hours before bass season officially opened, so his father made him throw it back. One of the points of the story was that no one else was around, so no one else would have known, but the father insisted that his son abide by the fishing regulations and throw the bass back. Lewis says, “The incident occurred 34 years ago. Never again would the boy catch such a magnificent fish. But what he did catch that day was something much better: a lesson in moral character. For as his father taught him, ethics are simple matters of right and wrong. It is only the practice of ethics that is difficult. Do we do right when no one is looking? Do we refuse to cut corners… When a dad imparts a code of conduct, when he establishes boundaries and reinforces truth, a son is forever strengthened… (Proverbs 11:3)”

It is my hope and prayer that each of you has a dad who is imparting a code of conduct to you! I pray that you are seeing a father’s love being demonstrated toward you in how he establishes boundaries for you and how he reinforces truth for you! Because, my brother, you will be strengthened forever!

Let’s illustrate how our culture, despite progress in other areas, has failed to provide an adequate code of conduct for young people. In the 1940’s, major school problems included: talking out of turn, chewing gum, making noise, running in the halls, cutting in line, dress code violations, and littering. Today’s major school problems include: drug abuse, alcohol abuse, pregnancy, suicide, rape, robbery, and assault. What is missing? I would suggest to you that it is a clearly defined, biblically grounded, code of conduct!

The Knight’s Code of Conduct stipulated that he must:

• Be Loyal

• Conduct himself like a champion by showing courage and valor
• Win the love of a woman by his romanticism and chivalry
• Practice generosity

In becoming the man God wants you to be:

You have a will to obey. Ecclesiastes 12: 1, 13 defines that will as remembering your creator in the days of your youth and to live all the days of your life fearing God and keeping His commandments. The Bible is your handbook. The handbook ideals include: loyalty (Hosea 6:6), servant-leadership (Matthew 20:26-27), kindness (Proverbs 19:22), humility (Philippians 2:3), purity (1st Timothy 4:12), honesty (Ephesians 4:25), self-discipline (1st Timothy 4:7-8), excellence (1st Corinthians 9:24), integrity (Proverbs 10:9), and perseverance (Galatians 6:9).

You have a work to do. You will have the opportunity as you grow and mature to determine what gifts and talents you have and make an appropriate selection for your chosen profession. But you will also have the opportunity to discover your spiritual giftedness. Don’t be afraid to try those things that initially seem uncomfortable to you. It is only through the process of growth described in Hebrews 5: 11- 6:3 that your are able to progress beyond the state of being “unskilled in the word of righteousness” to “go on to maturity.”

You will have a woman to love. This will be one of the most important earthly relationships you will ever have! She will play a central role in your life (Genesis 2:18).  One of your chief responsibilities will be to take care of her (Ephesians 5:25-30), to be the provider for your family (1st Timothy 5:8), so that she can “work at home” (Titus 2:5). This is a great need today – for young men to realize their responsibility to prepare appropriately for vocations that will earn them enough to allow their wives to be engaged in the day-to-day care of their homes and children!

Thursday – A Transcendent Cause in Which to Invest Your Life

The “conventional vision” equates manhood with what a man does instead of who he is. When men get together, they often introduce themselves by name followed very quickly by a description of what they do for a living (i.e.  “Hi, I am Randy, I am a lawyer.”

In the conventional model, a man’s value is earned, therefore he becomes highly competitive. The drive to accomplish, to win, to out-think, to out-work, to out-earn the other guy motivates him in much of what he does! Often, this evaluation of man’s value creates a lopsided time management system with higher priorities placed on job-related tasks than on family-oriented activities.

Success is the goal in this model of manhood. A level of this type of thinking will be a natural outgrowth of the “work ethic” that God expects all men to innately possess. But When “climbing the corporate ladder” becomes the primary goal of a man’s existence, often a man’s marriage relationship, and his relationships with his kids suffer.

In the conventional model, power is the reward. And often this power becomes “intoxicating,” driving the wedge even deeper between the man and his wife and kids. This component is more appropriate to God’s vision for manhood when the word “power” is replaced with the word “influence.” Corporate success that puts us in a position to influence more people with the gospel is good (what  Paul calls the adorning of the gospel in Titus 2:10).

The final component of this conventional vision is that success brings wealth and affluence. But the down side is that it rarely satisfies! Note in the passage noted below, Solomon’s evaluation of the satisfaction brought by material wealth.

If held in proper balance, this conventional vision of manhood is not altogether wrong, but it is certainly incomplete! It lacks a transcendent cause in which we can invest our lives! It is lacking in a mission which lifts us beyond ourselves. It is laking in a passion which stirs us to self-sacrifice.

Solomon’s commentary on a life lived in the pursuit of earthly pleasures and rewards is found in Ecclesiastes 2:4-11. He says, “I enlarged my my works: I built houses for myself, I planted vineyards for myself; I made gardens and parks for myself and I planted in them all kinds of fruit trees…” He also says, “Then I became great and increased more than all who preceded me in Jerusalem…. I did not with withhold my heart from any pleasure….”  His conclusion at the end of these experiences, “Thus I considered all my activities which my hands had done and the labor which I had exerted, and behold all was vanity and striving after wind and there was no profit under the sun.” And then his conclusion at the end of the book, “The conclusion, when all has been heard, is: fear God and keep His commandments, because this applies to every person. For God will bring every act to judgment. everything which is hidden, whether it is good or evil.”

In his book, Robert Lewis tells the story of Bill Smith and how, on a plane trip he met a man who reminded him of himself in his younger days. The point of the story is that men, in the pursuit of this conventional vision of manhood, sometimes lose touch with their families and after a time find that, what they have worked so hard for is at the center of their lives, but everything else is crumbling around them. In the end of the story, Bill Smith explains to his new friend the meaning with which he filled the “hole in his heart” that was left by devoting all his energies in pursuit of the three goals of his life:  to make a lot of money, to meet powerful/influential people and to travel.  His life-changing decision to follow Jesus Christ invested his life with new meaning.

Until you commit your life to a cause that calls forth sacrifice, that is significant beyond the moment and is truly meaningful, no amount of success will satisfy your heart! Jesus is that transcendent cause in which, if you are wise, you will invest your life! Jesus calls forth sacrifice. He calls us all to take up our cross and follow Him (Luke 9:23-24). Jesus is significant beyond the moment. He is the same yesterday, and today and forever (Hebrews 13:8). Jesus is truly meaningful. He the way, the truth and the life. He is the light of the world and those who follow Him will invest their lives with that more valuable than anything this world has to offer (John 14:6; 8:12).

This is important stuff guys! Please take it to heart! It was my pleasure to share this information with you this week and my challenge to you is this. Take the material that you received at camp this week and drill down deeper into it in your own quiet time with God. Read the scriptures. Think on them, and decide how you will respond. Will you grow spiritually from the the valuable instruction you have received this week and come to camp next year even stronger? Will you continue to build upon the new friendships you have made this week and to deepen the existing relationships? Or Will you simply move back into bad habits that you had before you came to camp and look back upon the week at camp as simply a week of summer fun? My prayer is that you will grow spiritually from your time this week.

Last October, I published an article here that focused on the importance of “fireproofing” your relationships. Many of the thoughts presented then were triggered by the movie “Fireproof.” One of the compelling songs from that movie declares,

 

“Be careful little eyes what you see
It’s the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings
Be careful little feet where you go
For it’s the little feet behind you that are sure to follow

It’s a slow fade when you give yourself away
It’s a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It’s a slow fade, it’s a slow fade

Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near
Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray

It’s a slow fade when you give yourself away
It’s a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you’re thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking

It’s a slow fade when you give yourself away
It’s a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day

Oh be careful little eyes what see
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh be careful little eyes what you see”

 

(Sung by Casting Crowns; From the Album THE ALTAR AND THE DOOR

(Mark Hill); Copyright 2007My Refuge Music/Club Zoo Music WECS Music (BMI), all rights administered by EMI CMG Publishing)

 

This song had great impact in the movie! The song begins playing as Caleb sits down in front of his computer and is being tempted by Internet pornography. The camera cuts away to another scene in which Caleb’s wife, Catherine, is talking to her mother and says, “It makes me feel so humiliated…. When did I stop being good enough for him.”?

 

Sadly, Internet pornography is a prevalent problem in our culture and in the church! It is a “parasite” that Satan uses to destroy the influence of godly men and to break up faithful, covenant-based marriages!

 

“A parasite is anything that latches onto you or your partner and sucks the life our of your marriage. They’re usually in the form of addictions, like gambling, drugs, or pornography. They promise pleasure but grow like a disease and consume more and more of your thoughts, time and money. They steal away your loyalty and heart from those you love. Marriages rarely survive if parasites are present. If you love your spouse, you must destroy any addiction that has your heart. If you don’t, it will destroy you.” (The Love Dare, Stephen & Alex Kendrick, p. 112)

 

Statistics cited by Mark Broyles at the October 16-19, 2009 Fireproof Your Marriage Seminar & Get Away (p. 13) show:

• 4.2 million (12% of total websites) are pornographic
• 60% of all website visits are sexual in nature
• Hollywood currently releases 11,000 adult movies per year – more than 20 times the mainstream movie production
• Every 39 minutes a new pornographic video is being created in the United States
• 87% of college students are having “web sex”
• At a recent Promise Keepers convention, 53% of those surveyed said that they had visited a porn site within the last week
• 8-10% of visitors to porn sites become addicted

 

Additional statistics show the pervasiveness of this issue. Steve and Bette Wolf cite extensive statistics, with the following caution, “We should caution readers about the uncritical acceptance of what is reported and repeated in both the public media and scholarly journals.” They cite the 2001 “duel” between the New York Times and Forbes magazine and the forced recanting of portions of a July 3, 1995 Time Magazine cover article.  With this caution the following statistics are noted:

• “…even the lowball Forbes estimate acknowledges that porn is bigger than Major League Baseball (2.8 billion in 1999, according to the MLB Commissioner) and Broadway theatre ($575 million in ticket sales in 1999, according to the League of American Theatre and Producers, Inc.)
• “Worse, the problem is not confined to non-Christians or irreligious persons. According to a Zogby International poll, 17.8% of ‘born-again Christians’ have visited at least one sexually explicit website.
• “A 2001 survey of evangelical clergy by Leadership Journal reported that 40% of respondents struggled with pornography, largely obtained through Internet; one-third acknowledged Internet pornography usage in the last 30 days
• “The results of a recent study of Internet pornography usage by those identifying themselves as members of Churches of Christ recorded 4,365 Internet survey responses.”

 

(“Helping Christians Addicted to Pornography,” Truth Magazine Annual Lectures, July 11-14, 2005: The Inspiration and Authority of the Bible, pp. 89-91)

 

As men who desire to be godly influences in the lives of others, let’s take to heart the messages of that song …

 

• This destructive habit does not develop in a day!
• It is the “second glance” that sucks you into the sin!
• Pornography destroys one’s influence with “those little feet that are sure to follow!
• “When black and white have turned to gray,” you have allowed the lines between right and wrong to be blurred!
• The progressive nature of this sin: “thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid.”
• The “it can’t happen to me” attitude can leave you vulnerable
• Though we may think we are doing these things in secret, God knows all!

 

This short article certainly has not been an exhaustive treatment of the subject of Internet pornography. For your further study, I would commend the Wolfgang article quoted above. It contains extensive footnotes for detailed study of this issue.

 

Recognizing my responsibility to give voice to the good news of the gospel, I hope to address other men’s issues in future articles. These will appear on this site under the monthly A Christian’s Voice From Raymore page. I will also be launching, in June 2010, the Remembering My Creator page on this site, focused on youth issues. I have invited several young Christians to be “staff writers.” I invite you to pray for this effort and to look for upcoming articles.

 

Thanks for reading with me, dear friend. Have a blessed day!

 

–Randy Sexton

A Christians Voice From Raymore, Issue 2; Number 1: April 30, 2010

A Prayer For Peace In Our Families

We just completed our first year of publication of this blog. I apologize for the three-month absence, but I found myself needing to step-up my job search activities. After expending some time and effort, I determined that the time was not right to start a second career teaching at the college level, nor was the market sufficiently able to support a non-profit youth and men’s ministry. I began more aggressively seeking a position in my core area of Supply Chain Management (Sourcing and Procurement). If you know of opportunities, please consider sharing those with me. I pray that the Lord will use me to His glory in whatever role he has in store for me!

 I began this article in November of last year when I ran across information on the internet about a man that history knows as saint Francis of Assisi. It is not the intent of this article to delve into the particular history of this man nor of the use of the term “saint” but rather to note the words and history of the “Prayer of Saint Francis.”  With that as an introduction we hope to focus on the need for peace in our families in light of statistics that show division in the family. So the main points I wish to discuss here are:

 1. What do the stats show?

2. What does Scripture teach?

3. What tools are available to the family wishing to restore the family to what God intended it?

 To conclude I will then issue a clear call to action. Please follow along with me and add your comments by scrolling to the bottom of the article at http://achristiansvoice.com and typing your thoughts in the comments box.

 Wikipedia says, “The Prayer of Saint Francis is a Christian prayer. It is attributed to the 13th-century saint Francis of Assisi, although the prayer in its present form cannot be traced back further than 1912, when it was printed in France in French, in a small spiritual magazine called La Clochette (The Little Bell) as an anonymous prayer, as demonstrated by Dr Christian Renoux in 2001. The prayer has been known in the United States since 1936 and Cardinal Francis Spellman and Senator Hawkes distributed millions of copies of the prayer during and just after World War II.[1]”

 The words cited by them are:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;

where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury, pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love;

for it is in giving that we receive,

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

 By googling I also found that this song was recorded in South Africa in the early 1990s by either Maranatha or Integrity Singers. I think it was sung by the Johannesburg Boys Choir

 Lord, Make us instruments of your peace,

Where there is hatred, let your love increase

Lord, make us instruments of your peace,

Walls of pride and prejudice shall cease

When we are your instruments of peace.

 

Where there is hatred, we will show his love

Where there is injury, we will never judge

Where there is striving, we will speak his peace

To the millions crying for release,

We will be his instruments of peace

 

Lord, Make us instruments of your peace,

Where there is hatred, let your love increase

Lord, make us instruments of your peace,

Walls of pride and prejudice shall cease

When we are your instruments of peace.

 

Where there is blindness, we will pray for sight

where there is darkness, we will shine his light

Where there is sadness, we will bear their grief

To the millions crying for relief,

We will be your instruments of peace.

 Whichever version you choose to use, it conveys great ideals. It verbalizes a passion to seek peace. It describes the pursuit of peace as a personal responsibility not something that will happen without effort.

 What Do The Statistics Show?

Sadly, the statistics show families that are broken and divided. In their book, Reaching A Generation For Christ, Richard Dunn and Mark Senter III (p. 489) site research from The Dad Difference by J. McDowell and N. Wakefield that says that one in four teenagers now indicate that they have never had a meaningful conversation with their fathers. Citing parental absence and conflict as a contributing factor as to why today’s teens are hurting, the authors say (pp. 512-513), “Many of today’s teenagers are left to parent themselves. If they are not from the 40 percent of young people who come from broken homes, they most likely come from homes where both parents go to work. This makes for a home life that is often characterized by busy schedules, chronic fatigue, and weary battles of discord and dissension. Parent-adolescent conflict occurs in all families some of the time and in some families most of the time. Sadly, however, the latter category is growing.”

 The “National Fathering Profile” published by Headfirst Ministries and Gary Bauer are also cited (pp. 491-492) in raising “a pointed question about the cost of the national neglect of our children. ‘What are we saying to our children if we allow them to spend more time watching television by the time they are 6 than they will spend talking with their fathers the rest of their lives?” (Learn to Discern by R. G. DeMoss, p. 14)

 I heard my good brother Ken McDaniel cite an alarming statistic in a great lesson,  “Parenting – A Blessing With Responsibilities” Tuesday night of this week in a Gospel Meeting with the County Line Church of Christ in St. Joseph, MO. Brother McDaniel astutely observed that we often overestimate the time that we give to our children. As evidence he cited the results of a recent experiment where microphones were clipped to children to record the verbal interactions with their fathers during a day. The shocking result of that experiment showed that, on average, a father had 3 interactions, totaling a mere 37 seconds per day with his child.

 

What Does Scripture Teach?

Scripture teaches that in order for peace to reign in the family, the members of it must respect God’s design of the family and the role that He has given to each to fulfill. As Brother L. A. Stauffer observes,

 “Other than the individual, the oldest, the smallest, the closest, and the most basic unit of society is the family. Families, therefore, form the building blocks of a community, a nation, a civilization. As families go, so fo the city, the country, and the world. When, for example, love, respect, honesty, responsibility, subjection, fairness – the bonding elements of the  family – are not taught in the home, how can they possibly exist in society? No nation can long survive the absence of these fundamentals in family life; they are the basis of  all human relationships.” (Family Life: A Biblical Perspective, p. 2)

 Marriage, as God designed it, is one woman for one man for life (Matthew 19:4-5). In God’s design, the husband is the provider (Genesis 3:19; 1^st Timothy 5:8 ) and the spiritual leader of the family (Joshua 24:15; 1^st Corinthians 16:15).  In God’s design, the wife is subject to the husband (1^st Corinthians 11:3, 8-10 ) and is the manager of the household (1^st Timothy 5:13-14; Titus 2:5).  In God’s design the parents are the instructors and disciplinarians of their children (Proverbs 22:6).

 As Brother McDaniel so ably pointed out in his parenting lesson, God who gives children as a “blessing” or “heritage” has also given instruction for their “care and feeding.” This blessing comes with responsibilities. As Brother Stauffer says,

 “This responsibility is stated so simply, and yet so poignantly, in the familiar proverb ‘Train up a child in the way he should go, And even when he is old he will not depart from it (Prov. 22:6.)

 Three thoughts are taught in this verse about children. First, there is a way children should or ought to go…. Second, training is essential if children are to go the way they should. Training involves both instruction and discipline…. Finally, the proverb teaches that the most lasting impressions upon man are the trainings he received from his youth. (IBID, p. 52)

 What tools are available to the family wishing to restore the family to what God intended it?

Obviously, the number one tool available to the family wishing to restore the family to what God intended is His Word. Following the plan for the family, as God designed it, is the first key to this restoration. In conjunction with carefully studying the pattern of Scripture, pray to the God of Heaven who created us in His image and who desires to have an intimate relationship with us.

Other resources that can be used as an aid to your number one tool, pickup a book or two written by one who has a biblical perspective. I highly recommend L. A. Stauffer’s workbook from which I quote again, 

 “Husbands, wives, fathers, mothers, children must all listen to God who created them, believe that he knew what he was doing, and resolve to fulfill their roles in family life. This study is designed to help each one learn the place that God has assigned him or her in the home. May he help all to accept that place by faith.” (IBID, p. 5)

 A Clear Call To Action

I have made some rather bold assumptions in writing this article. I have assumed that you, the reader, are a Christian and that you accept the authority of the New Testament Scriptures as your guide for living. If that does not describe YOU and you have NOT made Jesus Christ the Lord of your life, that is the first step that you must take.

 Recognizing Him as the author of everlasting life, make the decision to repent, that is turn from fulfilling your own desires to serving Him. Confess him before others and be baptized in water for the remission of sins  (Acts 2:38; 8:35-39; Mark 16:15-16; Romans 10:9-10; 1^st Peter 3:21).

 Having done this, identify yourself with a local congregation of God’s people who will help to encourage you and will provide additional resources for your growth and development as an individual and as a family. Being part of a spiritual family is one of the many blessings in Christ (1^st John 1:5-10).

 We, who recognize God as the designer of the universe and of the family, must call upon all of our energy and all of our influence to counter the forces that are attacking our families. Won’t you join with me in helping fathers and mothers to teach, train and discipline their children, not abdicate these God-given responsibilities. Help fight the evil and corrupt influence of evolution, a philosophy that promotes the idea that man is nothing more than a thinking ape or gorilla and therefore should be free to follow his “instincts” to do as he pleases. Enlist in the fight against humanism, an increasingly pervasive ideology in our culture that proposes that all wisdom originates with man and for man, and therefore it is totally up to him to decide what is good and pleasurable and beneficial.

 Finally, if there is anything that I can do to assist you, please post your comment here or send me a private e-mail to randy.sexton@achristiansvoice.com.

 Thanks for reading with me, dear friend. Have a blessed day!

 –Randy Sexton

A Christian’s Voice From Raymore – January 2, 2010

The Pursuit

I just finished reading a compelling and motivating little book. Only 197 pages in length, it is packed with engaging stories and stirring quotes that illustrate the things that he learned from his mentor. Pat Williams began his business career, as general manager of the minor league Spartanburg Phillies in 1965. Mr. R. E. Littlejohn, who owned the Spartanburg team, took Pat under his wing and taught him many important lessons. He says, “From watching his life, I learned the difference between knowledge and wisdom. I learned that knowledge likes to speak; wisdom prefers to listen. Knowledge takes things apart; wisdom puts things back together. Knowledge prides itself on achievements; wisdom humbly thirsts to learn more.” Realizing a responsibility to give back, he continues, “In recent years, I’ve become a mentor to others, just as Mr. Littlejohn was to me…. I have distilled the most important lessons I learned from Mr. Littlejohn into six key wisdom principles:

• Control what you can (let go of everything else).
• Be patient.
• Pay your dues (you need to have experience).
• Keep it simple.
• Don’t run from your problems (they give you an opportunity to sell yourselves to others).
• Pay attention to the little things.”

(The Pursuit by Pat Williams, pages 12-13)

Consider the application of these six principles to our spiritual pursuit ….

CONTROL WHAT YOU CAN

You cannot control how others respond to the gospel. You must be busy about planting the seed and leave the increase to God. The same gospel may soften a heart that is good and honest but harden one that is determined to follow his own desires.

The zeal of a new convert may blind his eyes to the faults in others. My father wrote in his autobiography, “Six months after my conversion, I fell away, stopped attending and became concerned about what seemed to me to be “inconsistencies” between what some members said and did. Looking back I see that there were a number of things which contributed to me falling away, however.  There was much that I didn’t understand; and I had over estimated the purity of character of some who claimed to be “faithful” members. One year after my baptism, I realized that there were and always will be “human weaknesses” in character. Also, I came to recognize that it behooved me to do first what I know to be right, and then I could go about trying to correct wrong that I saw in others.”

BE PATIENT

Patience is hard to learn but it is necessary if we are to grow spiritually. We cannot open a bottle of “spiritual knowledge,” uncork our  brains and pour in enough to immediately answer any and every question that might be asked us in a study. Wisdom requires a lifetime of acquiring and applying knowledge to the situations we encounter. Consistent study, prayer and meditation over time is all that is required! God does not require much, just our all; all of your soul, all of your body and all of your mind (Matthew 22:37) .

PAY YOUR DUES

The “school of hard knocks” is the phrase that we sometimes use to refer to the experiences that teach one the lessons of life. These lessons usually come at a great price, measured in terms of sacrifices, mistakes made and damages done to pride along the way. Williams says, “Aldous Huxley observed, ‘Experience is not what happens to a man. It’s what a man does with what happens to him.’ Experience doesn’t truly become a learning experience until you reflect on it, analyze it and understand it (p. 85).”

KEEP IT SIMPLE

Williams points out that our lives become so complicated because we have so much “stuff” that we accumulate thinking it will make us happy! He suggests that our pursuit ought to be characterized by an attempt to simplify our lives. He says, ” It’s all about time spent with family and friends, time spent in fellowship with God, time spent enjoying life and discovering life’s deeper meaning. If we want to experience rich and rewarding lives, we need to clear out the clutter and simplify, simplify! (p.98)”

The gospel of Jesus Christ is simple. The plan of salvation is simple. But sometimes we complicate them with our attempts to make them fit our lifestyles. When we ought to yield ourselves in complete obedience to the gospel and allow it to mold our lives, we often try to have it the other way around. Because we have failed to mold our lives to God’s standard on marriage we come up a set of convoluted rules to explain when divorce and remarriage are acceptable. Because we fail to yield to God’s boundaries that define male and female roles, we formulate elaborate explanations of plain passages.

DON’T RUN FROM YOUR PROBLEMS

Pat Williams describes a particularly disastrous end to a promotion, when he was General Manager of the minor league Spartanburg Phillies baseball team.  Describing the lesson learned, he said, “It seems counter-intuitive, but instead of running away from our problems, we should run to them. If we face our problems, embrace our problems, and solve them, we’ll show the world what we’re made of and what we can do. It takes courage to face our problems and character to embrace our problems. I’ve never known a problem solver who didn’t possess these traits (p.115).”

The opportunity to grow and develop often accompanies times when we must explain ourselves to others after taking a stand on a particular issue. There may be issues on which we have taken a position without having fully studied the issue for ourselves. We come to our values through a combination of forces and from time to time we need to do a “gut check” that may cause us to take another and perhaps closer look at our beliefs.

PAY ATTENTION TO THE LITTLE THINGS

Occasionally we fall into the trap of thinking that it is only the big decisions in our lives that are important. Life is really a series of small decisions made consistently over time. Novelist James Jones, who wrote From Here To Eternity, was once asked “How do you write a novel?” He replied,  “It’s simple. You write one page every day and at the end of the year you have 365 pages.” Williams says, “Our choices lead us ro places we never expect to go. The right choices could set us on the path to unimaginable success and happiness. The wrong choices could destroy our lives. The next choice you make could trigger a chain of circumstances that could put you in the White House — or in prison. So we dare not overlook the little things. We need to maintain our character and integrity, even in the smallest things. If we refuse to tell even a little white lie, then we’ll never be convicted of perjury. If we vow never to steal even a paper clip, then we’ll never be convicted of embezzlement.  People who maintain their integrity in the small things can be trusted in the big things (p. 155).”

In the closing chapter of The Pursuit, Williams says, “After spending time with Mr. Littlejohn, I always came away feeling transformed in two important ways: First, I felt confident to face my problems and make good decisions. Second, I felt empowered to handle any situation.” One of the many great quotes in the book is from Maya Angelou, “People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel.” How do you make people feel that you mentor in the faith? Do you make them feel confident and empowered?

Pat Williams closes his book with the encouragement to be aware of your influence. He says, “Ultimately, The Pursuit is all about the life you are building, the influence you are having on others and the legacy you are leaving behind…. In short, use your wisdom, your learning and your influence to change the world and leave it better than you found it. That is why you’re on this journey. That is why you are in The Pursuit.” (Ibid, pp. 190-197)

–Randy Sexton

A Christian’s Voice From Raymore – December 19, 2009

Editors Note: This is the third and final installment of an unfinished manuscript that I found recently among my father’s effects. I hope you have enjoyed reading and thanks for your indulgence in a little reminiscing. This installment is delayed a week from when I had intended to post it because I was in St. Joseph, Missouri visiting my mother last weekend. Mom was admitted to the hospital on December 4th with pneumonia and was there until today. She told me that she has had a chance to think a lot during this time about what a great life she and dad had together. She also told me, “You know the longer I live, the more perfect your dad becomes! When I think back your father put up with a lot from me.” Yes mom, I agree, he was a pretty great man!

Conflicts in my Life – Part 3

By

William C. “Bill” Sexton

THE CONFLICT BETWEEN CONTINUING A LOVE AFFAIR AND GOING TO THE ARMY!

I was always bashful, yet human, and attracted to the opposite sex. I was very awkward in approaching them and not at all very successful in carrying out my desires in talking to them. I had a few dates at 16, and I was confused about just how to act in such situations. I was, as I look back, under sever circumstances, as no doubt many are today.  I had lived with rough people, where the language often was unfit for young decent ears to hear. Vulgarity and profanity was used with regularity by most of the adults I knew.  Suggestions were frequently expressed that manliness exhibited itself in sexual acts being performed as often as possible. Such were constantly flowing from the voices of the male adults I knew in whose company I was often.

My mind-set was such that I thought that the manly act was to manifest one’s expectation to have sexual relations with the opposite sex, practically all the time you were with them. Yet, this didn’t seem to me to be pleasant, and even possible for me.  Yet, I thought that I must be different, judging from all the “talk” I was exposed to.  Later I decided that there was “a lot more talk than action.” However, the action of people is evident of what they “think, others expect of them.”

My first real love was met at a dance. It was on a foggy night, as I was attending a mid-week-dance, around the mountain from my house.  We had first danced together, then I stood with her as we rode with her brother around the road toward our house.  I lived about a mile and a half from her; we came by my house first, and I got off. But I felt different from before. As I laid in my bed that night, I had ideas to move through my mind that had never found place there before.

I derived some comfort and pleasure from those thoughts. We attended many dances in the next few weeks. Her brother had just returned home from the Navy. With his money he bought him an old car. She had three brothers who had returned from the service. One, I believe was in the army, and two had been in the navy. One was married, but the others were unmarried. They were on the go, “making up for lost times.” In fact she had three older and two younger brothers. Each of these were “crazy” after cars, and they would buy the older ones discarded by some one and work on them — buy new motors and run them, etc.

We spent some time together at lease one night a week over the next several weeks, it being winter time on the farm there wasn’t much to do. When we had done the chores and eaten supper, we’d get together in some home and play cards, games and have a party of some kind.  In 1946 many of the boys had returned from the military services, and most of them had money; they also had a sense of “lost time” to make up for.  Summer came, but long before that I would get notes and letters from my love; her younger brother passed by our house on his way to and from school. I could just about look for a letter each morning, informing me that so and so was having a party…come by. I would hurry to the end of the letter which would close with “I love you.” Then my heart would seem to beat much, much faster. I would rush back and re-read the whole, usually several times. Exciting thoughts filled my mind, as I went about doing my work around the farm, cutting bushes, milking, feeding the hogs and cattle, getting hay from the loft, and at times just sitting around, even while eating.

Vivid pictures would flood my mind — great sensations rushed through my mind.  As we spent so much time together, I guess I became so convinced in my mind that I could get by with a lot of things. “She shouldn’t’ get the idea that I was willing to be governed too much by her.” So, I decided that I was going to a particular place — even after making a date with her, so I went. She was embarrassed, and a friend of mine who had a girl was alone.  She went with him.  The next day they passed the house together. I felt bad, but told myself that I didn’t ” really care.” Such was not very convincing, however.  Looking back, here is a lesson: Never try to do things to spite another, to get even, and be honest at all times.  Once distrust is set in, it can never really be completely fixed.

Time went by. We made up. But mistrust, misunderstanding existed and continued to manifest itself, from then on. Efforts to undo the harm were made by each of us from time to time, but it never really worked successfully.  She’d go with her other “boy friend” some.  Then one day she got sick.  I was sent for.  At first this made my heart rejoice. But I was somewhat embarrassed before others, as knowledge of this spread among the people in the community.  Our relationship was never as exciting and enjoyable as before.

Fall finally came, and I went away with my Uncle, Bill Campbell, to pull bolls, picking cotton in western Oklahoma. We wrote every day…almost. I returned home. Fall had been followed by “winter rains,” although winter on the calendar, December 21, had not actually arrived.  We were spending some time together. I enjoyed most of it. I feel sure that she did, too, but there was an undercurrent.  All was not well.

There was a third person in my life who added to the pressure, my mother. She talked to me a lot, and her evaluation of my love was not what mine was, and the story I told her was stronger than the one I told myself. It was clear that mother thought I was too serious, and she thought that I needed to look more realistically at the whole of my life… I was only 17 and there were many good girls. I’d need not be bossed around by this one, I should show her…, etc.  This was a pressure. I wanted to put up a front — that all was wonderful, and I was not really concerned. But inside I was a lot less sure, determined. There was a conflict between my heart and my mind — what logically I felt I should do and what emotionally I felt that I’d like to do — if the reason hadn’t interfered.

The war was over, and many appeals were made to enlist the young men. I went to town, that day–I am not sure just what day of the week it was, but the one which the recruiting

officer was in town ( he would come down one day a week from Ft. Smith, I believe). I went to his office. He talked to me, giving me a couple of stories and gave me an aptitude test. I passed. That was good, for many were not qualified to serve, so I was lucky, according to him. We drove out to my house, about 12 or 15 miles in the country, on the mountain top north of Ozark. He told my parents a couple of stories, about how he got in the army and the great advantages he had… After a while they signed the papers, after they had the affirmative from me to the question was I “sure that this is what you want?”

I left town that night without telling my love “bye.” I think. I spent some sorrowful moments  and sad nights, feeling ashamed of myself. I felt that I had chosen this way as a way to get rid of her, yet I didn’t really want to. Here was a great conflict – fighting within; once I had committed myself, however, there was no turning back for 18 months. I served my time, but not too admirably; yet, I did get discharged with honor. Nineteen months of my life had been spent, the fight, conflict and flight was still there, now more than ever – more trouble had come. The two of us — my love and me.

THE CONFLICT BETWEEN TRUTH AND RELIGIOUS ERROR

I was born in East Central Oklahoma and reared in West Central Arkansas, North of Ozark and Clarksville.  I had no religious training as I was growing up and never attended “Sunday school.” Only occasionally did I attend meetings as they were held by different denominational preachers who would come through the community. The site of these services often was one of the school houses, at Liberty Hill, Union Grove, White oak, or Oak grove near where I lived.

I entered the Army at the age of 17 and served for 19 months,  9 of those in Germany.  Shortly after returning home from the Army, I met a young lady, Lois Keech and on February 14, 1949, her 19th birthday, we were married. We arranged to have Judge Ford perform a double wedding with our friends, “Hazel” (Harley) Dickerson and Marie Cagle, in Ozark Arkansas.  Nine months and Eleven days later, November 25, our first child was born, a son whom we named Randall. Later three daughters were born to us, Betty on July 7, 1953, Geneva, on October 7, 1954, and Sheryl on June 30, 1958. Our four children have produced us nine grand children.

In the summer of 1954, I began to read the Bible. Lois had started taking Randall to Sunday School at Sunflower Kansas and some people at work had given me some tracts, Having had no  religious training, at first reading the Bible made little sense.  As I read the gospels, I began to see that some of the same events were recorded in more than one book. I then began to read the book of Acts and could grasp the narrative fairly well.  Yet it took a good while before it came to take on real meaning.

Having moved to Kansas City, Missouri in August of 1954, a Baptist preacher came by and asked me and the family to attend the Randolf Baptist church. Upon attending I was welcomed; I liked it and began to attend regularly. After awhile I was concerned that I wasn’t a Christian, never having professed to be anything religiously. One Sunday morning I rose from my seat and went forward when the invitation song was sung. I was asked, “Have you accepted Christ as your personal Saviour?” I responded: “I want to but I’m not sure that I know just how.” The Baptist preacher took me into a side room, read John 5:24, and then I was told that I was saved the moment I got up out of my seat and started forward, because that was the actual moment when I placed my “trust in Jesus.”

I felt wonderful and began to tell others of my new experience. Some began to ask me questions, “thank God,” now that I look back that they did, and I began to study and talk to others in the church and to the preacher.

Others began to ask me about baptism and passages that taught on baptism, especially my brother-in-law, Raymond Keech, who lived next door. Well, I told them that baptism was “important” but that you did not have to be baptized to be saved, because I had not yet been baptized. I had been told that there were some “formalities” that they, at the Baptist church had to go through with, and for me not to think too much about it. But then some discussions came which forced me to focus on Mark 16:16; Acts 2:38 and other passages, and I thought that I’d better get the Baptist preacher to come an explain them.  I felt sure that the preacher could. I was too inexperienced and ungrounded in the scriptures to find all the passages and to explain them correctly.  So I turned to the Baptist preacher.

On Saturday morning the preacher came to the house around 9:00 AM and  he was still there late into the evening. What the preacher said, it took awhile to sink in: I was told that Mark 16:16 was an “addition” to the original scriptures; that Acts 2:38 was a mistranslation, meaning something quite different from what it sounded like on the surface; and that other scriptures on baptism meant that you were saved before and without baptism. However, the Baptist preacher insisted that baptism was important if you were  to please God, but one must know that baptism has nothing to do with his salvation. This was somewhat confusing, and as I look back misleading, but it kept me from seeing the truth for awhile.

After thinking, reading, and praying for some time, I called the Baptist preacher and went over to his house and we went over the points again, to be sure that I had actually understood him correctly. It was hard to believe that the preacher would take this view on the passages, for I had seen him stand in the pulpit and hold the Bible high and claim it to be the Word of God to be conformed to. In the end this really was his claim, inconsistent as it was!  I am glad that I stayed around long enough and studied hard enough to see and understand what the Bible really teaches and how it differed from what the Baptist church teaches!  I knew the “faith only” passages backward and forward because I really wanted to be convinced that the doctrine was scriptural.

I asked the Baptist preacher if he would baptize me “for the remission of sin,” as Peter had said in Acts 28. The preacher said: “No. If I did, that would indicate that I thought baptism had something to do with your salvation, and I don’t.”

In the meanwhile, I continued talking and studying with my brother-in-law and sister-in-law, Raymond and Delphia Keech.  Her father was a member of the church of Christ in Fort. Smith Arkansas. These studies were usually not too systematic. I was trying to out argue them. The study was long, intense, and sometimes “loud.” Lois and I began to attend the church of Christ on North Cherry Street, and some of the members had come and talked to me as well.

Slowly I began to realize that baptism was a step in the plan of God to SAVE. In January 1955 I heard Bill Humble preaching on WHB, and I began attending the services at 39th and Floral.  At the end of the sermon one Sunday morning, I went forward and made the confession and was baptized. However, shortly after being baptized, as I continued to study and talk more orderly and calmly, I became concerned that I still had not understood that baptism was absolutely essential, So I called Bill Humble and he baptized me again, being sure this time that I was fully persuaded that I knew what I was doing and why.

Six months after my conversion, however, I fell away, stopped attending and became concerned about what seemed to me to be “inconsistencies” between what some members said and did. Looking back I see that there were a number of things which contributed to me falling away, however.  There was much that I didn’t understand; and I had over estimated the purity of character of some who claimed to be “faithful” members.

One year after my baptism, I realized that there were and always will be “human weaknesses” in character. Also, I came to recognize that it behooved me to do first what I know to be right, and then I could go about trying to correct wrong that I saw in others. I was restored in January 1956, repenting, confessing my negligence, confusion, and inability to tolerate others and giving up, and that I was determined to do my best.  That was the “first day of the rest of my new life.”

From that day forward, I attended regularly, studied hard, and participated when I could. I attended several special classes offered by the Vivion Road congregation, as we had moved from 41st and North Cherry into a new building that we had erected at 2026 Vivion Road. I attended several Men’s Training classes. I began to speak at mid-week services, and preach in the absence of the regular preacher, when I had an opportunity.

In June of 1957 I began to preach in the Kansas City area, having been urged to do so by Cecil Willis.  First I preached at Holt Missouri, some 35 miles north east of Kansas City, while working on my regular job as a welder. Then, after driving to Holt every Lord’s day and Wednesday night, for several months, I resigned that work. I then, began traveling to Chillicothe, Macon, Purdin, Tremble and any other place within a 150 miles of Kansas City, to preach on Sundays.  I began to preach at “Francis School House,” a few miles from Kansas City on a regular basis. In 1961, I began to work on a regular basis with the congregation at Kearney; they had just build them a new building. I worked with them until November 1962.

In November 1962 I was invited to come and work, on a full-time basis, with the congregation meeting at 1111 Harrison in Lowell Indiana. I quit my welding Job, and moved to work there, receiving $75.00 a week plus house and utilities.

In June of 1966, I moved to work with the 10th and Lincoln congregation in St. Joseph, Missouri. In 1973, I moved to work with the Southwest congregation in Wichita, Kansas. in 1975, some of us started the Westside congregation which gained the place to meet in at 3500 South Meridian, Wichita.  In 1979, I moved to Manhattan Kansas to work with the congregation which began to meet on Poyntz, there.  Later we purchased a building at 1112 Pierre Street.  In June of 1983, Lois and I moved back to Wichita, having been asked by some of the people I knew real well, to work with the Southside congregation on South Seneca street. In May, two years later, in 1985, we of the Southside congregation merged with the Pleasant Valley congregation, meeting at 3317 N. Amidon.

July 13, 1985, I moved to work with the Roan Ridge congregation, 6403 NW Roanridge Road in Kansas City, Missouri but It was September 1 before we got moved in at 4400 NW Gleason. I worked with the congregation until the last day of May 1994, serving as an Elder with brother Ray Harris and Kenneth Young for about three years, until I resigned to move to Van Buren, AR.

End Note:

The manuscript ends with the following, “It is now 2000, November, so I’m nearly 72 years young, retired, but running more than ever. After working with the Van Buren church of Christ, from June 1, 1994 until November 15, 1998, when Randy Cavender came to work with the congregation…… Now as I pick up on this, it is June of 2006, and I am working with tI church in Waveland Arkansas, 60 miles from my home.”

Dad passed from this life on May 8, 2006, as bladder cancer moved unexpectedly and rapidly to attack his physical body. He misidentified the year on his last update to this manuscript. There are also entries that show that he intended to continue to update with headings for “The Conflict between my wife and parents” and “The conflict between secular and religion.” Dad lived a full life and left a legacy for which I give thanks to the Lord. I hope to see him again one day to hear him complete this unfinished manuscript ….

–Randy Sexton

A Christian’s Voice From Raymore – December 5, 2009

Editors Note: This is the second of a three-part unfinished manuscript that I found as I looked through some of my father’s electronic files. I have enjoyed reading it and hope that you find benefit and encouragment from reading it as well. Look for part three next week. Have a blessed day, dear reader!

–Randy Sexton

Conflicts in my Life – Part 2

By

William C. “Bill” Sexton

Continued Education

God seems to lead and direct us, at times, when we are so ignorant of what we “should do.”

Being in Hamilton Ohio, working on the 2nd shift, at the Estate Stove Company, making $1.16 an hour, having a child on the way, I needed to find any way possible to make more money. Having been in the service, I had some GI schooling coming. There was a welding school in Hamilton. As a veteran, I could attend there and get a check. I signed up, attending each morning from 7 to 12 Monday through Friday and then 4 hours on Saturday morning.  In the process, I learned that even though you had failed in “your education” before you reach adulthood, you could still learn, although it took me sometime to grasp the width and depth of what was available. My total motivation in registering in the Welding school, however, was to get the check and that was the only school I knew that was in the area. In the school, we studied a book as well as practiced welding.  At the end, I passed the test. However, I was fortunate, in that for some dozen years I made a living welding; there was just about always a job to be found in welding.  The pay was more than I would have been able to make had I not learned that skill. Although it was a dirty job, I actually liked to weld, and build things out of metal.

In reality, I had learned something in that period of time in addition to welding, although it took it some time to really come to the forefront in my thinking process. But after I had finished the welding school and got a job welding, it dawned on me that there were other things a person could learn from books!

In about 1952, with this new discovered mind-set, I saw some advertisement about taking home courses in Radio and TV. I signed on to that, and in the process my perceptions of education was awakened more and broadened. In as much as my formal education was so limited, I had to study extra hard to understand and comprehend the concepts of electricity and how they worked in radio and Tv, as they were presented in the literature. But, as one takes advantage of opportunities, other facets of information filter in, too. So, as I was getting near the end of the Radio and TV course, I became interested in religion.  That awakened me to the ideas on the scriptures, and whereas I had not been much of a reader at all, I began to read more and more, liking the benefits I got from it. When I was converted to Christ, then I became interested in more general education of history, grammar, etc.

I became aware of Wayne School of La Salle Extention University, in Chicago, A Correspondence Institution, offering Home Study Courses. I registered in that university and began studying. I would get up at 5:00 am and study an hour each day before I went to my regular job.  One of the first courses was in World History. That was exceedingly interesting because I could relate what I was learning there to Bible Times as I studied ideas, practices, and rulers, etc.

Later in Lowell Indiana, the Public TV channel 11 out of Chicago, offered a lot of College courses. I availed myself of many of them: I would watch on TV and order the materials and study them, although I never registered with the college to go take the test and get the credit. I still learned a lot., taking the time to read, listen to the lectures, make as good application of the concepts as I could.  I was getting a much better view of the world of which I was a part.  I found that each community had a Library, with many books. So, I would visit the library often, pick up books whose titles would interest me, often not reading them through, but becoming familiar enough with the subject enough to discuss the matter with others.

When we moved to St. Joseph, Missouri I became interested in getting my GED. I found a book and studied it, and prepared for the test. I took it and passed. Missouri Western College had just moved to it’s new campus and became a four year college. I registered, taking two courses: Sociology and English. It was somewhat accidental that these were the two courses I took, without having made any great plans on what to study, other than getting in college. However, it turned out that these were perhaps the best courses that I could have chosen. In my test score for the GED, I had made the best in social studies. That was perhaps due to my interest that had developed in working with people in regard to salvation.  I also saw a need to study English because my grammar and vocabulary were very limited. I viewed this as a challenge to improve my ability to forcefully present a persuasive message to those seeking salvation and desiring to serve God faithfully.

With 70 hours of instruction at Missouri Western College, I moved to Wichita and registered at Wichita State University. There, I completed the requirements for the degree Bachelor of General Studies, finishing with over 120 hours. When I moved to Manhattan, I registered at both Kansas State University and Manhattan Christian College.  I was awarded the BS degree from Wichita State University in December 1981 and a Master of Theology Degree from Christian Bible College in Rocky Mount, North Carolina on January 9, 1987.

In the process of attending college as an adult, older than many in the class, I knew why I was there: to learn. I did better than many who had much more ability than I, because I was interested in learning as much as possible!  I could see so much use for what I was learning. At first, I felt very timid, being in my upper thirties and still going to school, I felt that I would be considered “odd.” But I wanted to learn so bad, that I was willing to take the “risk.” However, to my surprise, I found that many people were going to school who were in their thirties or even older. One student was in seventies and pursuing a degree in philosophy. At first I was fearful that I could not learn, but when I came through my first semester with nearly a 4.0 grade average, I was in a lot better shape of proceeding. I decided that i could do it — study college courses successfully! Yes, I registered in many classes, to find after attending a few periods that they were not what I wanted, so I’d drop them.  I was so grateful that God had made it possible — for one who had wasted so much of the opportunities in my early life NOW made it possible for me to continue my education, even though it was difficult.  The conflict was there, but how wonderful that somehow I found enough courage to plunge into the fresh waters on the field of education.

Recently in going trough some of my father’s materials, I found an unfinished manuscript titled Conflicts in my life. I wish he had finished it, but I enjoyed reading it and believe it contains beneficial information especially for young people. I plan to publish it in three installments in my A Christian’s Voice From Raymore column on my blog. I invite you to read along with me and post your comments. So here is …

Conflicts in my Life – Part 1 of 3

By

William C. “Bill” Sexton

Life is filled with conflicts; many times one must choose between alternatives. Looking back, one can see that he/she has chosen the wrong one at times; but once made, he can not change it, and the choice certainly had its impact one one’s destiny.  The sooner one is aware of this great conflict, I believe, the sooner he’ll be able to act more wisely; he’ll be looking for the alternatives and perhaps be better informed regarding them. He’ll never have the time to research for all the information available, which could enable him to make the right decision, but he can use the little time he has to avail himself of a few different facets of information and make a better decision than he otherwise would.

Every person’s life is different, to a degree, and yet dependent on many persons and factors. No two lives are exactly the same. Every person occupies a space by himself, and a time span that is peculiar to him only. As one looks back on his life, he remembers certain acts and events that made his impression; he can’t remember them all, and different times he’ll remember different ones, and as he does, he remembers other matters associated. Perhaps we could profit greatly if we’d spend more time meditating on the import that these different events had on shaping and forming our present character and mind set. It is with these purposes in mind that I approach the present work. 1. I’ll find some comfort in recalling events as they occurred in my life; 2. I’ll see how and why I am what I am, to a degree; 3. Perhaps, I can make others aware of the fact that they face alternatives daily, that there are conflicting forces at work in the world, and of necessity they will have their effect on one’s character, attitude, and destiny.

THE CONFLICT OF GOING TO SCHOOL

It was a Sunday afternoon, the day before school started. A beautiful day, as I remember, back there in Arkansas, in 1943. A man who lives around the mountain about two miles, came by as we were sitting under the shade tree, and asked me if I would plow for him the next day.  After a little reflection, I said “yes.” I had decided to start Ozark high school the next day, with one of my cousins. (I had quit school a couple of years before, but I was still 15. She was starting to high school so I had decided to go back and get my “diploma.”) But now with this request to work and make a little money — and indeed little it turned out to be — was enough to cause me to decide to work instead of continuing in school. What a great mistake that was, as I would learn later in life.  I had opened a door leading to great opportunities in the future but I closed it for a few pennies now. As one has said, I opted for “a short time gain with a long time pain.”

So many young people repeat the mistake I made.  So, to the young person, I would urge with all the power I possess– Get the education while you have the opportunity. Yes, there are and shall eve be different things pulling at you. Foolishness will say to you, “Enjoy the pleasure NOW!, “Education is not that important, anyway,” or “Wisdom is getting by without an education, after all what’s a piece of paper?”

Now, even more so than in my early days, one needs a good education to be able to make the contribution that he can and to reap the benefits — fruits — that are available in this world.

However, thee are dangers connected with an education, too.  The right kind of an education is extremely important. There are many things taught in school, which are contrary to the basis truth of the scriptures.  God is left out, and often “anti-God” teaching is done. But, perhaps more dangerous is not outright anti-God teaching, rather it is more subtle — world views that are contrary to the Bible teaching that God created the world and all that in it is.

Pride, can accompany educational achievements, too.  One can get degrees and fool himself into thinking he knows more than he actually does. I believe the real educated person will not be puffed up in pride about how much he knows, but rather will be humbled by seeing that he knows so little of all that there is to be known.

Young people often go off to college, however, having been reared in “Christian homes,” but where little serious study was ever done on evidences of God, the inspiration of the scriptures, or the the divine origin of Christianity. They may have heard some overly critical remarks about evolution that were not accurate and sustainable. In the end, they are unable to face the philosophy professor, or the sociology and psychology professors and the ideology they present. Consequently they decide that the narrow minded people back home were too ignorant. They decide that they must face up to the new world of research, etc.. and so they lose their religion, their faith in God and things that pertain to life and godliness.

(To Be Continued in Part 2 of 3 next week.)

On this Thanksgiving Day 2009, we join the psalmist in inviting all nations to praise the Lord! His steadfast love and faithfulness are to be praised! As you read today and as you begin your day, say a prayer for those who are struggling to find the WAY to Him; to experience His steadfast love and faithfulness!

Today’s history lesson tells of the 11-year reign of twenty-one-year old Zedekiah as the last king of Judah before it’s surrender to Babylonian domination and occupation. The destruction and the sorrow of that time is described in great detail. In the nineteenth year of the reign of Nebuchadnezzar it occurred; the house of the Lord and all the houses of Jerusalem were burned, the walls of the city were broken down and people were carried into exile. Key religious and political leaders were humiliated and killed by the Babylonian king. What do you and I learn from this history lesson? This and other scriptural accounts of the tragic consequences that result from leaving God out of one’s life ought to be enough to cause us to make the right choices. Sadly, this is not always the case. Lord, help me today to make those right choices!

Today’s Readings: Psalm 117; 2 Kings 24:18-25:21; Isaiah 19-20; John 17

The lesson from prophecy today is this – not to place our hope in those who offer to deliver us through physical strength and power but to place our hope in God. Isaiah 20:6 is a key verse in this section. Remember Isaiah prophesied during the reigns of the 2nd, 3rd and 4th kings of Judah (Jotham, Ahaz,and Hezekiah; 740-710 BC) so it precedes the events of 2 Kings 24 and 25. Lord, help me to HEAR the wisdom in these words and to live with you as my hope today!

Jesus’ words, spoken through John, speak to my heart this morning to say, “Randy Sexton, I sent My Son into this world to show you how to live! Live today, and every day, the way He lived. Glorify Him and accomplish the work that I have given you to do. Protect the little ones and help guide the ones who have lost their way back to me. Lead your family through the low valleys of darkness and doubt. Lead them up to the mountain top to see the exhilarating view of the promised land. Then lead them over the Jordan and into the City of God where you will live with them and with Me forever.”

Have a blessed day, dear reader! Give God thanks and give Him praise! Be an influence to lead others to that promised land, to take up eternal residence in the City of God!

–Randy Sexton

The first reading today, reminds me, it is not about me! It is not about us! It is all about the Lord! Not to Us, O Lord, not to us, but to Your name we give glory! I will trust in you this day because You have proved your steadfast love and your faithfulness toward me! I will trust in you no matter what may befall me today! You are my help and my shield.

Today’s Readings: Psalm 115; 2 Kings 23:1-30; Isaiah 15-16; John 15:18-16:15

The story of the reforms of Josiah continue in today’s second reading. He left quite a legacy, but it was too late to divert the impending judgement against Judah. I pray that, from the legacy that I leave my wife and kids, they remember me as a man who loved God and family and sought to serve with all my heart, soul and mind.  Josiah set the bar high!  He “turned to the Lord with all his heart and with all his soul and with all his might, according to the Law of Moses.”  Before him there was no king who served God with such passion nor did any like him arise after him.

Isaiah presents his third oracle against Moab (a parallel passage is Jeremiah 48). Amidst the darkness, gloom and desolation of the Assyrian oppression, Isaiah offers the hope of the throne, that will be established in steadfast love, occupied by one who will judge, seek justice and be swift to do righteousness. How blessed am I to live at a time in history when I have benefit of the panoramic view of God’s plan for the redemption of man! May I never look so myopically at the current secular, humanistic culture that I forget that I have the completed revelation God before me.

In the final reading today, Jesus prepares His disciples to carry on His work, after he goes back to heaven. He tells them to expect hatred as one reaction to their preaching and teaching. He was concerned that this hatred and persecution might cause some to “fall away.” He speaks specifically to the 11 disciples, whom He had called to be His apostles, when He speaks of the coming of the Helper. He had a special mission for them; to implement the inauguration of His church on Pentecost. He tells them to look for the “Helper” who will help them remember things that He had taught them and guide them in what to say and to speak and to write. He says that He still had many things to say to them but they were not able to bear them now. So when would He say these additional things to them? I believe the implication is that, the full significance of many things that He had taught them would not “hit them” until they were in specific situations and the Spirit/Helper brought the remembrance to them. There are a few passages where this point is specifically made (Luke 24:6-8; John 12:16; Acts 11:16). Lord help me today, to apply Your Word as I encounter specific situations in my life, thus bringing to my remembrance what You did and taught.

Have a blessed day, dear reader!

–Randy Sexton

Introduction:

It is sad when heartbreak comes to a parent through children who grow up to disrespect them. Many parents in our culture know this heartbreak well because they raised their kids during a time when it was believed that discipline would “scar” them and would “stifle their individuality. I want to share with you just such a story.  I want to take you back to a period in the world’s history when a nation stood out among it’s peers for its power and it’s seemingly favored position in the universe.The powerful king of this powerful nation had a very handsome son who had beautiful long locks of hair and was the apple of his father’s eye. The King’s name was David and the son’s name was Absalom. I believe that we receive some valuable lessons from studying this father-son relationship. Consider that …

The Son’s Character Development Was impacted by the Lack of Parental Attention/Discipline While Growing Up.

The King, as often happens with busy fathers, was very busy in the affairs of his kingdom. He was a very sincere, religious and hard working man. He had a sense of values and he knew the importance of modeling good character before his children. He was just distracted with the business of the kingdom. To put it bluntly, he failed to watch his kids grow up. One biographer said of David, “He helped conceive lots of children but he helped rear none of them” (Swindoll, p. 153).

In the course of that neglect, character development suffered.  Absalom built resentment towards his absentee father. He sees the messages repeated continually that his father has no backbone for discipline. David failed to teach Absalom to respect God and others. Again, to put it bluntly, Dad had been too busy doing “king stuff” to be a dad. Another factor that contributed the the son’s lack of character development was the fact that there were many other wives and kids in the picture. Talk about “blended families,” the king had 11 wives and at least 20 kids (See 1 Chron 3). Now, the son was one of the most handsome in the land – and he knew it. Bad character plus good looks. That is a formula that spells trouble!

Absalom had a sister named Tamar to whom he became very close. Despite his character flaws, Absalom felt very responsible to protect his younger sister. He comes to her rescue when she is raped by a half-brother. Amnon. Absalom, for two years, seethes in his anger toward Amnon over this incident. He cannot believe that his father does nothing about this shameful incident in their family! He is outraged by the injustice done to Tamar! Absalom plots his revenge.   He tells David, “Father, I am planning a sheep-shearing party at Baal Hazor and I would like you and all of your servants to come. I have invited all of my brothers as well.” David declines his son’s offer but puts his blessing upon the event.

Absalom prepared a banquet fit for a king. He made sure there was plenty of wine to help him carry out his evil plan. When Amnon arrived at the banquet the servants of Absalom said to him, “Welcome Prince Amnon, your brother has prepared a sumptuous feast! Come and take your fill. We have plenty of wine so drink up!” As Amnon is feeling no pain, the servants of Absalom fulfill the commands of their master and execute the death sentence.

As Absalom flees the scene, after Amnon is dead, it is noteworthy where he goes. “He takes refuge with his granddad. Apparently Absalom had established a link with him and found something in the home of Grandfather Talmai that he couldn’t find in David’s. He remained there for three years.” Also, consider secondly that …

The Son’s Appetite for Power was Whetted by What He Saw Lacking in His Father’s Style.

Raised in an unruly, undisciplined, completely dysfunctional home, the son’s heart grew wicked and ungrateful and cruel in the three years he was away from the palace. And while there he had begun to formulate a plan to take the throne and kingdom away from his father and make himself king instead. He began to live in a kingly luxurious way.

He would also rise early, go to the gate of the king’s palace and offer to judge the cases of those who came to see the King. He would tell them, The King is busy! He will not take the time for you, but I will consider your pleas!” In the course of time, he “won the hearts of all he met.” while his father the king isolated himself in the palace. Slowly the kingdom was slipping away from the king and he was oblivious to it. And finally, see that …

The Son’s Reward Was Predictable Based Upon His Wrong Priorities.

After 4 years of plotting and winning the popularity of the people with his judgement, the son felt he had a solid enough hold on the hearts of the people to assert his power directly. Under the guise of going on a mission of mercy, he assembled an army of confidants and one of his father’s chief advisors. He sent messengers throughout the land spreading the message that he was now king. The news made its way to the palace that the son had made himself king, that the army supported him and that the hearts of the people were with him.

The King, not knowing who to trust or where to go, fled for his life. David cried, “Up and out of here! We must run for our lives or none of us will escape Absalom. Hurry, he is about to pull the city down around our ears and slaughter us all!” Amidst the sorrow and lament prevalent during the escape, David is found weeping and walking barefoot as he mourned the betrayal of his son. Eventually, however, forces loyal to the king, who had remained behind as insiders to evaluate the situation, were able to lead a return of power to the king. In the ensuing conflict between those loyal to the king, and those loyal to the son, the son fled the palace and his long beautiful hair became caught in an oak tree. As he hung suspended from the oak, one of the soldiers in the kings army stabbed him through and he died.

Conclusion:

We can learn valuable lessons from history, especially from biblical history. George Santayana (1863-1952), philosopher, essayist poet and novelist, said, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” (Life and Reason (1905-1906), Vol. I, Reason in Common Sense). Have we learned anything from the story of David and Absalom (1010-970 B.C.)?

My “second-half” work (see the book Hatltime by Bob Buford) is focused on ministering to families who are struggling with these and similar issues.

Warning: What follows in my “two-minute commercial” for my website and my T.G.I.F. Toastmasters club.

I invite you to visit my website often. I attempt to deal with these issues. Read my Vision Statement and Guiding Values. and feel free to post your comments on anything that you read at http://achristiansvoice.com.

Mission Statement: Dedicated to Youth and Mens’ Ministry, the purpose of ACV is to provide ministry and outreach services to families that include: consulting, christian counseling, teaching, coaching and mentoring through a number of defferent avenues. ACV will provide public speakers and teachers for events, write feature articles for publications and provide supply chain management functions for churches and other ministry partners.

Our Guiding Values:

To Act with Integrity in All We Do

To Model Jesus with a Servant’s Heart

To Treat All with Respect and Honesty

May all be to God’s glory! Lord help us to be an influence on the lives that we touch. Make us an instrument of your

Note: This article is based upon the text of a speech that I gave yesterday at the T.G.I.F Toastmasters club which meets (7:00 – 8:30 A.M. the first and third Fridays of the month during November and December; second and fourth Fridays the remainder of the year) at the Marriott Courtyard, 11001 Woodson, Overland Park, KS.  (See our website http://www.tgiftoastmasters.com/directions.html and come by and visit if you happen to be in our area. In the two years that I have been a member of the club, I have found the members to be a great encouragement to my personal and professional development.  The energy level evident at the meetings is absolutely amazing considering the early hour.

–Randy Sexton